I've MOVED.

ASK, perhaps I'll give :)

everything will be okhay in the end

if it's not okhay, it's not the end.


wise words.
tough life.

so many work this holiday, I'm just so darn caught up with college. I don't mind the pressure per sem. But the fact that I have so many things piled into one is just unnerving. I need an escape. So yes, come SUNDAY, come.

That was school.
At home, it's another storybook.

House is so messy and well, my life isn't close to the word neat either.. But here I am on myspace, reading, surfing the net, reading more and well, slacking - a lot. Then I shout the unfairness to the world. I'm being unfair myself. But I've lived till now and I see no reason to disrupt the course of nature so far. Or am I simply being selfish? Is this guilty indulgence worth it?

It's been a while since I've done anything. I've actually been about drifting aimlessly. Waking up, not knowing what I'm supposed to achieve for the day. Going to bed, and not knowing stress. It's not a bad thing per say, but it doesn't feel very good. When there was studying needed, I'd know that I have to do it, and really get down to doing it. It's quite terrible doing nothing.

But I think it's not so bad. Despite all the stress, I actually can say I love what I'm doing. I hope it'll be alright till my contract ends. And till you figure- I do look like a guy if I want to. But I'm GIRLY if I want to be. Who cares? I'm Liyana.

I just realized I'm a very goal orientated person. Though I expect quick results, I think I need long term plans. I'm trying to RELAX badly, but it seems I need something going. Only if I was allowed to work. Nevermind, I'm up in a course 'soon'. That ought to keep me occupied.

Random is great.

-ilovezakisomuch

I'm having terrible MORBID thoughts gushing my brains now. I feel totally glutted up and somehow I still feel happy. I'm in serious need of help huh?

Why am I like this??I just read something that I wished I never read. It wouldn't affect a nano inch of anyone else, but I feel horridly affected. As though I have tonnes of weight suddenly plummet on my face and pulverized my essence. Yet, I don't exactly care. Dang, I don't even understand me... period.

WHY
I want something badly, but I ignore it. Why? Like when I wanted that handphone, then I thought how great mine already was (even though it has no exciting games, 2.7MB of memory and looks dull). Like when I wanted an iPOD, then I figured that my existing MP3 is the best (even though it's 2yrs old, has stellotape and is 256MB). Like when I wanted so many other materials, but decided that I don't need them. Why am I like that? I ignore things I desire, and truly work for. Because I satisfied with what I have. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know...





Down-to-earth? I am stuck by GRAVITY. period.

My dearest Farahiyah,

It's your birthday, Happy birthday:D

This isn't healthy. For an 18 year old, obsessions can't be healthy. I can list out the many reasons why so, yet I fail at any self-restraint. This will not only eat me up in the physical sense, but subconsciously kill me - slowly. I just know it, and I am not doing anything about it. I hate Nasonex, I hate Ventolin, I hate Ceterizine, I hate Clarinese. Bodoh punya ubat.. Bravo Liyana. I'm feeling better without it. ;)

Life's such a drag. And my rump is aching badly. Gah. Ramblings help when you need to think.

And, another issues.. Home Alone? Probably. I'm not THAT excited since I'm stuck because of college. Not only that, but my family booked a WATER CHALET IN PORT DICKSON. Imagine the seaview! Only snowwhite is the fairest. And my faved cousin who's 16 was begging me to go, he insist that I'm the best road trip buddy. Along with my sisters, I'll miss them. And all the photography opportunities. Oh well.

There was about some things I absolutely positive. I’m fictional inside. Theoretically, there’s no scientific explanation for that. You shouldn’t Google it. The color of my eyes doesn’t change the way my mood is. I got compass embedded under my wrist but it points me out to nowhere. I can’t recall anything when I was in the womb of my mother. Darkness ain’t so bad for me. I knew the facts that I’m exist. I’m not junkie. I never gain any special force. I can’t cook really well. I fear things which I don’t understand. I’m afraid of thunder. But just don’t underestimate me. I am different than you think of. I wish to witness my own funeral. So that I am not like whom I have been…

I feel restless as there is only one thing on my mind, one thought that drives me crazy, I lay awake every night trying to force my self to sleep. And some days I don’t feel like getting up, I try to bury my head into the pillows and create an artificial night, I wish, I hope for something, anything, but apparently there isn’t anyone listening upstairs. But.. A picture of you in my head had never fades. So I lay here staring up at the ceiling finding that I maybe just can’t sleep for the whole night.