There are some days I wonder, "why do I bother?". Other days I ask myself, "why don't people bother?" It would be great if I didn't make this many mistakes in life, or am able to put the blame somewhere else other than my on conscience. Wishful thinking? I wished ignorance could still be bliss. I would like to have to wake up to a holiday everyday, and do anything I want, have everything I ever wished for (next to him) , not have this curfew and be a real kid, not be possessed by problems or dilemmas or sorrow, never a need to worry, and every bad thing in this world vanished...


Then I find myself to be so naïve. Or any insult the carries the synonyms of an imbecilic foolish idiot. Or simply me. Ludicrous Liyana. I'm deliriously barking mad. Oh well...


There are times when I mull over the might-haves and the what-ifs. To come to think about it, I'm having some a whole lot of emotional makeover now. I've been on the verge of letting happenstance take over, tune out and probably let all my aspirations of being someone with a white vespa. Oh kidding.. I do have hope, but I figure with the passing of time, Hope loses a letter.

observe:

HOPE.
HOP.
HO.
H.
.

This this thing, this emo shite, this melancholy crap, this. My defense mechanism. What can I say? I maybe all loopy and high out there. But like everyone else (i figure), I have this inner maelstrom raging.


Point, I am making my life sound sad, aren't I? But its not. This happens when I am left to my own devices with nothing but solitude and my mind. I am grateful for all the wonders. Really. But I am human. I am Liyana. And even then, I wonder, who am I?

Signing off, bye!