Forgive me F?

I post this at the same day you post yours. I have no emotions. I’m not really going into this kind of relationship. I am stupid. I’m childish. I was jerk. I am more than any bullshit you ever knew in your life. And that’s what you label me. Fine. I accept that. I’m Liyana and you can call me L. And you choose to be called F. And we both know well who is Z. Ok. This is what I hate. I hate this kind of writing. Again, forgive me for the dramatic used of language. Somehow I tried to calm myself; I can’t be bothered with this shit anymore. I can’t and I can’t. Z and I have decided, if anything happens just let it be. So I won’t regret. I am writing not to say anything bad about you or even that Z. I love both of you. Yet, still now, you’re still my best friend. I never mad of you. Maybe it just a little misunderstood. Really it is. I’m not pretending to be like an angle free and pure from any sins. And I will never blame you on every single thing you said about me. And I’m even not asking anyone to cure my illness. I’m not sick. I am physically fine. But I can see my problem and yours too. Maybe someday, you won’t care about this anymore. It’s ok. It’s me all alone. I've never been so lost like this and I don't know what to do. I lost my best friend. Turning the clock won’t change anything. If only the way for you to forgive me is by letting that Z go, I would do that. I’m not begging for any love. But I was in love. I really do. And I meant it. It’s beyond my control. And he loves me too. Maybe it’s hurt. Believe me, I never plan this before. I’m not an architect with a good and high class planner in hands. Because once you told me, you won’t and don’t care anything about Z and you trying not to over ‘A’. Maybe you still love him. I don’t know which one. I swear, I didn’t involve in this when he’s still with you and when we both in college, in the same classroom and in the same row. I’m not that cruel. Is it my fault to open my heart for someone that holds the key? ‘In love’ and ‘loving’…It’s different. I know I’m just nothing to talk about this. Stupid and idiotic. Yarh. No emotions like you said before. Forgive me, friend? Ignore this for the rest of your life if you really hate me. It would still doesn't change my mind that you're a nice friend I do knew before. May God bless you. Bye.